Let's Face It: Evangelicals Are Nuts

And I mean that in the most loving way possible.

You see, the reason I feel I have some credibility here, is that I was raised as an evangelical fundamentalist. I was taken to my first church service at the local Assembly of God when I was about a week old. I continued my participation in the denomination for about 25 years.

I know everyone's upset about the Jeremiah Wright comments from the pulpit and elsewhere. Boy, is that guy a loony. The problem is that I have heard stuff that was just as crazy from the pulpits where I sat and listened. The culture of the evangelical church is such that you are not even supposed to say anything to contradict the pastors, much less get up and leave. There's a Bible verse (I Samuel)that says "touch not God's annointed." I have heard entire sermons about the dangers of bothering, harassing, annoying or even mildly criticizing the ministers of the church. Seriously.

Evangelicals tend to believe that the Bible is the literal truth sent directly by God, that Revelation is all literally true and coming to pass even as we speak, and that anyone who is in a different religion is headed straight for eternal damnation. And when I say different religion, I don't mean Buddhism or the Muslim faith. You have to wonder about whether Lutherans and Methodists are really headed in the right direction (if you know what I mean).

Some of the statements and teaching I've heard sitting in the Assembly of God:

* Mardi Gras is a celebration of Catholics killing the Christians

* Catholics are taking over the world and will start persecuting the real Christians

* Every month after a woman's period, there's a profound emptiness there which explains why so many women are kleptomaniacs.

* Every girl should do everything she can to get a man to marry her and not be too picky because she could end up 40 and alone

* Jews are God's chosen people and you better not do ANYTHING against them in any way (God will get you!)

* Jews are just confused at the moment but will eventually accept Jesus as their savior and will take their rightful place as God's chosen people

Those are just a few of the evangelical's top hits. There are many, many other examples.

I have to feel sorry for Barack Obama because I'm sure he tried to be a good church member after his conversion and now he's getting hit by every nutty thing that is said in his church. Note to self: Don't Run For Office!

There are many wonderful people who are evangelicals, who practice what they preach, raise great families and do tremendous good in the world. Even John Ashcroft, who drove me crazy when he was Attorney General, took a stand against the excesses of the extra-legal reach of the Bush administration. I have no doubt that part of what fueled his determination to do what he believed to be right were his religious beliefs.

Dead or Alive, Clinton's Staff Claims Support

I have seen some sketchy speed freaks in my time, but Terry McAuliffe is the King. I'm not saying he's actually a meth head, but he acts like one. Its starting to weird me out. He's displaying all the signs of long-term use - disconnected from reality, twitching, goofy inappropriate smile, nods along simultaneously as if approving the bullshit he's spewing, and giving every sign that he's not getting any sleep.

On Sunday, he really went over the top on Meet the Press with Tim Russert. Tim was trying to get him to acknowledge some aspect of reality, and in his haste to escape any brush with it, he went off on this bizarre tangent about his dad and Tim's dad being up in heaven, swilling scotch and watching the primary. Only problem is, as Tim pointed out, that his father isn't dead.

Any normal person with a functioning brain would have melted right there on the spot, strictly out of embarassment. McAuliffe didn't even miss a beat with his non-stop patter, just speeded right along with his next nonsensical point.

The other day I heard him claim that the primary votes in Puerto Rico could be used as part of the justification that Clinton won the popular vote. And when someone questioned the validity of counting the popular vote in Puerto Rico as they are not able to vote in the general election, Terry said "Why do you hate Puerto Rico?" Seriously. This moron actually said that to a real human being, I think it was the unfortunate David Schuster, who always seems to get singed by the most surreal situations.

Yeah, Terry, we're all up in heaven, watching Hillary Clinton win the primary while we're hating Puerto Rico with all of our hearts. You might want to ease up on the pharmaceuticals.